HOW TO KILL A SOUTH DAKOTA EEL
Little Johnny is 12 years old, very naive and like other boys his age,
rather curious.
He had been hearing a bit about "COURTING"
from other boys, and he wondered what it was
and how it was done. One day, he
took his questions to his mother, who became rather
flustered. Instead of explaining
things to little Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night whin his sister's boyfriend
came to visit. Johnny described everything
he saw to his mother...
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most
of the
lights, then he started kissing and hugging
her. I figured that Sis must be getting sick,
because he put his hand inside her blouse
to feel her heart, just like a doctor would do
except he's not as hood as the doctor
he seemed to have trouble finding her heart."
"I guess he was getting sick too, coz pretty soon both of them started
panting
and getting all out of breath. His
other hand must have been cold coz he put it under
her skirt, about this time, Sis became
worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm
around and slide down toward the end of
the couch. This was when the fever started.
I knew it was a fever because Sis told
him that she felt very hot."
"Finally I found out what was making them sick--a big eel has gotten inside
his
pants, it somehow jumped out of his pants
and stood there, about ten inches long! Honest
anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep
it from getting away."
"When Sis saw it, she got real scared--her eyes too big and her mouth was
open,
and she started out calling "wow" and
stuff like that, she said it was the biggest one
she ever seen, I should tell her about
the ones down the lake."
"Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.
All of
a sudden, she made a noise and let the
eel go--I guess it bit her back."
"Sis lay her back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on
it, and
he helped her by lying on top of the eel."
"The eel put up a hell of a fight, Sis started groaning and squealing and
her
boyfriend almost upset the couch, I guess
they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it
between them."
"After a while they both quit moving and gave a sigh, her boyfriend got
up
and, sure enough they had killed the eel,
I knew it was dead coz it just hung there, limp
and some of its inside were hanging out,
Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired
from the battle but they went to huging
and kissing again. My golly the eel was not dead!
It stood straight and started to fight
again. I guess eels are like cats--they have 9
lives or something."
"This time, Sis got up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After
a 35 minute
struggle, they finally killed the eel.
I knew it was dead coz I saw her boyfriend peel the
skin off and flushed it out down the toilet..."