The Beavis and Butt-Head Turd List
Butt-Head: "I love to take a dump, huh
huh huh. It like, gives me a special feeling down there, huh huh"
Beavis: "Hmm heh yeah hmm m heh... Uh...
What do you mean?"
Butt-Head: "You dumbass."
GHOST TURD
The kind where you feel the turd come
out, but there isn't any turd in the toilet.
CLEAN TURD
The kind where you crap it out, see it
in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET TURD
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times
and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet
paper between your butt and your underwear
so you won't ruin your paints with a stain.
SECOND WAVE TURD
It happens when you're done craping and
you've pulled up your pants to your knees and you realize that
you have to crap some more.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR HEAD TURD
The kind where you strain so much to get
it out, you practically have a stroke.
RICHARD SIMMONS TURD
You crap so much you lose 30 pounds.
LINCOLN LOG TURD
The kind of turd that is so huge that
you're afraid to flush it without breaking it into little pieces with the
toilet brush.
GASSY TURD
It's noisy and everyone within earshot
is giggling. "That's cool" - Butt-Head
DRINKER TURD
The kind of turd you have the morning
after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread
marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Butt-Head: "Hey Beavis, have you ever
drank a beer?"
Beavis: "Uh... yeah, hmm heh."
ButtHead: "Oh yeah? Where'd you get it
from?"
Beavis: "This like, uh, guy gave it to
me."
Butt-Head: "Liar. You've never drank a
beer."
Beavis: "Shutup Butt-Head!"
CORN TURD
Self-explanitory.
"GEE, I WISH I COULD TURD" TURD
It's the kind where you want to make a
turd but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and fart a few
times.
SPINAL TAP TURD
Beavis: "Tap is cool"
That's where it hurts so bad coming out
you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
WET CHEEKS TURD (the power dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so
fast your cheeks get splashed with water.
LIQUID TURD
The kind where yellow-brown liquid shoots
out of your butt and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
MEXICAN FOOD TURD
It smells so bad that the bathroom must
be condemmed.
UPPERCLASS TURD
The kind that thinks their turd doesn't
smell.
FISHERMAN'S BOBBER TURD
The kind where you are in a public restroom,
there are two people waiting on your stall, you crap and
flush 2 times, but several golfball size
pieces are still floating above the water line.
AMBUSH TURD
This kind never occurs at home, but usually
at a party or while playing golf. It's the result of trying to fart
just a little, but you end up with trowser
chili and you have to walk bow-legged for the rest of the day.
CAT TURD
Thin turds like the kind that cats leave
in the garden.
KAMIKAZE TURD
The kind that seems to leave your butt
before you get to the toilet.
NowAndLater TURD
You turd some now and save some for later.
APRIL FOOL'S TURD
The kind that feels like a Lincoln Log
Turd but turns out to be a bobber.
RABBIT TURD
A bunch of pellets.
GUILLOUTINE TURD
The kind you cut in half before your done.
LAVA TURD (FIRE ASS)
Slight burning sensation.
TWO WAY TURD (Surf and Turf)
This usually occurs when your sick and
you puke and turd at the same time.
MOSS TURD
Usually associated with the runs and looks
like pond scum on top of the water.
CATFISH TURD
The kind that floats on the bottom of
the bowl.
STEALTH TURD
Doesn't make a sound. The kind you hope
for in a public facility.
TAGGER TURD
When you leave your mark on the back of
the toilet bowl.